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I don't know anymore.. Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 12:42 am
I have quite a huge problem. Today me and this guy had sex, and I really think I might be pregnant now. I don't know if I am or not, but I'd place a pretty nice bet that I am. I don't know what I'm gonna do if I am..I can't have a child especially one from him and if anyone finds out, I'm done.
I never would've thought this would happen to me. All my other friends but not me. We didn't use a condom cause I just didn't think about it at the time. I can't bring something into this world and not be able to take care of it. My life is spinning out of control. I get stoned almost everyday, and now I've taken it more than a few steps ahead. How did I get myself into this situation? And what the fuck am I gonna say to this kid if I do turn out pregnant? This can't be happening..
Mood;;: nervousnervous

Bump Bump Bump Aug. 15th, 2006 @ 07:42 pm
Yaaaa okay..Sooo let's see..Over the past week or two I've concluded many things I want/need out of life. Here they are!

[x] A really nice pair of dread falls
[x] A better Mp3 player
[x] Really big headphones
[x] A never ending supply of Camel menthol wides
[x] To forever be best friends with Lala
[x] To go to the Gathering one year with Stevie
[x] To get some new MAC make-up
[x] For my madre to be happy
oh, and
[x] To get a really great girlfriend. Not just a psycho bitch like usual, but a really great girl. One I can really be with.

So yeah.

Today was alright. Went and chilled by the pool for the day. Yesterday I went to the beach with Tessa and we went to Funland. I played a game of DDR and we went on some rides. There was this really great ride called Chaos and it flips you over and shit. Me and Tess went on it, then me and my mum went on it. Oh yeah, we also went on the Sea Dragon a couple times and Tess and I went on the umbrellas and this guy was counting everytime we went around and I thought he was gonna pull out a gun and shoot us on the count of ten. WHACKJOB. Complete. I wanted to go to Claires and get some body jewelry but couldn't because they wouldn't stop the car and shit. Eh.

I'm gonna go. Now. So yeah. Peace peace.
Current Location: Eeeee my room :D
Mood;;: anxiousanxious
Tunes;;: Dashboard Confessional- As Lovers Go

Hooooly Shit! Aug. 6th, 2006 @ 03:16 am
Damn! I fucking found my old account! Holy shit. I seriously cannot believe some of the shit I wrote in here madd long ago. So, as many people know, I now live in Hellaware. AKA in the middle of fucking nowhere! I swear I'll never abandon my lj again :] I missed it so much. Okay, so my tumors are pretty much gone off my foot and I'm having such a *swell* time down here..Ah..Sarcasm. So yeah. I'm back to writing and shit. I gauged my nose to a 16, and that was a lot seeing as though it was at a 20g. My dad is an asshole. He wouldn't even help us move or anything. I really can't believe him. I miss all of my Connecticut friends so much it drives me nuts. I really miss Lala and Stevie. Stevie called me the other day and we had a huge conversation about just random shit. That's what I love about him. He's so unpredictable. Lala is in Pennsyltucky so I can't even go see her which really makes me sad seeing as how much I really love her and would never want to leave her again after I move back up north. I've forgotten about stupid shit and grown up a lot I think. I'm not as much insecure and I have a vague idea about my future. It really scares me that I'm going to be 18 in 1 year and 4 months. Sometimes I really wish I never would have to grow up because I already feel like an 8 year old stuck in a 16 year old's body. Mum and I figured out what we wanna do for our vacation and we picked Disney World. We're going to spend my 17th birthday there and I already invited Lizz because mum said I could bring a friend.
I really do miss Lizz too. Even though we were never as close as her and Lala, we we're still always sisterly to each other. She always bought me presents and her mum treats me very nicely. Lizz and I go way back to like, 3rd grade. We did get into a big fight and didn't talk for a long time until like 7th grade. We both grew up and just gave up on being angry at each other. So, I'm done for tonight.

Love you all,
Current Location: My bedroom
Mood;;: happyhappy
Tunes;;: "Obsession" by Animotion

Everything's made to be broken..]] Mar. 18th, 2006 @ 02:29 pm
So today was pretty lame. My cunt cousin gave birth to two little shits last night. It seems like everyone around me is popping out kids. Tiff's going to get her tattoo today so that's pretty cool though. Jaden is just so adorable walking around with one of his Vans on and his little coat on..So yeah..Well im moving back to the beach in two weeks so that's pretty badass. I'm really gonna miss Lauren..Even though she hasn't been talking to me lately doesn't mean I still don't care about her. I'm gonna miss walking to laser tag and going to Starbucks and singing at gas stations..We've been best fucking friends for 4 years so this is a really touchy thing. I'm gonna miss Tiff too..We've been friends for 5 years and after all the shit we've been through she still has my back and we're tight like a fuckin noose..I'm happy I'm moving, I just hate the fact I'm leaving so much behind..Maybe one day Lauren will move in with me or something..I feel really bad because she lost Lizz, Cameron and now she's gonna lose me. I feel so much like shit because even though she still has Ashley, Nesha and Nikki, we were like sisters and even though I'm moving, she'll always be in my heart. I figured this day would come sooner or later..I just wish it didn't come so soon..Well im gonna go..I'll write more later..

& Bitch Bitch Bitch♥ Dec. 23rd, 2005 @ 04:53 pm
So yeah, today was pretty much the same as yesterday. Didn't really do anything but tommarow I'll be SIXTEEN!!! WOOSH! I can't wait. Tuesday im going with Lauren to Main Street to look for a job..Lauren wants to work at Coldstone =] I'm not sure if I mentioned that yesterday and I don't even remember if I wrote yesterday..Tonight mums making lasagna and we're gonna chow. So anyways. Jaden is playing with his booster seat and eating. I hope Tiff comes over tommarow to chill and stuff. Moms bitching at me to get offline so I should go. I'll write more later though so no worries. xoDollie
Mood;;: aggravatedDon't Fucking Bitch Me♥
Tunes;;: [[Madonna;;Hung Up♥]]
Other entries
» Cause he's the gangsta of love♥
I talked to Stevie today!! He can finally come over because Aunt Merrys gone..
Ah I miss my little Beaver Boy! One of the biggest jokes we have is lauren always says "Im gonna marry into the military" and Stevies in the Navy..lmao..
I know those kidds are gonna get married someday and I'm gonna laugh so hard when they do..Mum left with Mark for awhile to go to Uncle Matt's..Mark brought over a computer for me and mum so now I can update my lj while mum plays Pogo..♥..Lauren left *tear* so now I really know she wont be here for Christmas..She named her IZ Micheal St. James after Micheal Alig and James St. James aka our favorite party monsters..I'd love to meet them someday..Same with Roderick Justin Ferrell because I'd love to know the story of the actual Vampire Clan..I hope I can get a job at the new coffee shop/art gallery bistro down on main street because it seems so rad..Thats my new thing hoping for find a job..Jaden's awake now so I'll write more again later..xoDollie
» Early Xmas♥
OMG! Last night was amazing. Lauren came over with presents and got me some of the most awesome-est things! She got me a Care Bears poster, a HUGE pack of earrings♥ and gave me 5 bucks!! Soooooooooo friggin happy! She also got Jade 2 cute little books and gave my mum a candle that smells soooo good! She also got me eyeliner which THANK GOD I got because I look so dead without it! I fucking love my Lala!! Mum and I made Egg/Potato salad and BBQ Mini meatballs last night..We almost ate all the meatballs cause they were so good. We couldn't though because they're for my birthday party. I really hope Mark comes over for my birthday because he's so cool and maybe he'll bring Ari!! I haven't seen her in forever..She's Mark's youngest daughter..I can't wait to turn sixteen..We're going over Jenny's house for Christmas (she's my mum's cousin)..I hope Aunt Lo gets me something for Xmas because she gets me some cool stuff. I still need to wrap Lala's present ♥ Well I have to go for now! xoDollie
» && She became the drug addict, not me♥
Hilarious. So I sit here talkin to lauren and reading liz's myspace. "Drugs" lmffao..So after all, I wasn't the one to become the biggest drug addict in connecticut. I always knew out of my group, Liz would be the drug addict, Lauren's gonna be the pregnant one, and Tiffany's gonna be a stripper. Wow..
Lauren wont even get a job yet. She's maybe a half a mile from some stores and yet she wont even get a job..Shiiiit, the day I turn sixteen (in 4 days) I'll be out lookin for a job. I expect im not going over there today since I laughed my ass off when I found out liz was a druggie and lauren hung up..whatever fuck them both then..I'm not trying to burn my bridges but wtf, now liz is the best thing in the fuckin world..I wont be hanging out with lauren as much after tiff comes back because lauren puts so much stress on me and I cant deal anymore. ill sit here and watch movies and shit all day it doesnt fucking matter to me..I dont need haley hanging all over me and screaming in my ears or her dog sniffing me..I found out im getting this wikkid pink argyle sweater for xmas too! It looks effing awesome..I mean, this is fucking retarded lauren being such a bitch. Listening to LeTigre now..I love them ^_^ Aunt Merry thinks shes going into labor but who the hell knows..
At least when she has the baby mum can use her car unless Pam does..Boykittys been so good all day just lounging around and sleeping ♥ I gotta wait for mum to get home so I can run to the store with mark and get a soda or something..I think I might let my hair grow out again cause I need a new look..
I hope dad sends me some money for my bday because I needa get new clothes if Imma find a job..I'm thinking of maybe applying at this new coffee shop/art gallery down on main street but idk because if they do hire me idk what im gonna wear..Mums been gone since 12:39 and I've just been hanging out all day..
I really wanna watch A Clockwork Orange one more time before we gotta return it..Well im gonna go for now ^_^ ♥ xoDollie
» __Color My World ♥
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Started making colorbars! Finally found out how to do it so now im like woohoo!
If anyone wants one let me know ^_^ Moms going to the doc today..hopefully she'll be released so she can go back to work. FOUR more days til I turn sixteen!! I seriously can't wait! Tiff is supposedly comming over on my bday and xmas but idk because even though her moms really nice, shes really family oriented. Went to sleep extremely early last night lol..im sucha dork. Nobody ever leaves me comments on my journal =[ I found a bunch of my MAC make-up that I dont use anymore. Some of it's new but idk what to do with it.
I was thinking of either a) selling it or b) giving it away..Watching Blair Witch 2 and im about to eat but anyways..I'll write more later!
» [[Time goes by ;;♥ so slowly' ))
Ah..so anyways..today I got so pissed at my nutritionist. Okay, so first they switched my appointments around so I had to go see Dr Jolly aka my foot doctor first then Pat the bitch..This HOTT doctor came in and trimmed my benign tumor/ warts down (ew.) then the doctor came in and scedueled an appointment for me to get them removed by laser. Okay, everything went well so far..then I reeeeally wanted a cigarette so I sat and asked my mom for about 10 minutes before Pat showed up. She's always fucking late >.< Okay..then we went to her office and she looked at my food list and bitched for about 15 minutes before she went into her "choices" speech. Ugh. I got so pissed because she wasn't understanding that after 1 poptart I wasn't full. No, not a pack of poptarts that consists of 2, but 1 fucking poptart. Ugh. So I walked out and went to have a cigarette at the car aka mark's truck..Maybe I should go back to Diane aka my former therepist. So right now im waiting for my mom to go to sunoco so I can get a soda. GAWD. Okay, well im done ranting ^_^ xoDollie
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