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I have quite a huge problem. Today me and this guy had sex, and I really think I might be pregnant now. I don't know if I am or not, but I'd place a pretty nice bet that I am. I don't know what I'm gonna do if I am..I can't have a child especially one from him and if anyone finds out, I'm done.
I never would've thought this would happen to me. All my other friends but not me. We didn't use a condom cause I just didn't think about it at the time. I can't bring something into this world and not be able to take care of it. My life is spinning out of control. I get stoned almost everyday, and now I've taken it more than a few steps ahead. How did I get myself into this situation? And what the fuck am I gonna say to this kid if I do turn out pregnant? This can't be happening..Mood;;:  nervous |
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Yaaaa okay..Sooo let's see..Over the past week or two I've concluded many things I want/need out of life. Here they are!
[x] A really nice pair of dread falls
[x] A better Mp3 player
[x] Really big headphones
[x] A never ending supply of Camel menthol wides
[x] To forever be best friends with Lala
[x] To go to the Gathering one year with Stevie
[x] To get some new MAC make-up
[x] For my madre to be happy
oh, and
[x] To get a really great girlfriend. Not just a psycho bitch like usual, but a really great girl. One I can really be with.
So yeah.
Today was alright. Went and chilled by the pool for the day. Yesterday I went to the beach with Tessa and we went to Funland. I played a game of DDR and we went on some rides. There was this really great ride called Chaos and it flips you over and shit. Me and Tess went on it, then me and my mum went on it. Oh yeah, we also went on the Sea Dragon a couple times and Tess and I went on the umbrellas and this guy was counting everytime we went around and I thought he was gonna pull out a gun and shoot us on the count of ten. WHACKJOB. Complete. I wanted to go to Claires and get some body jewelry but couldn't because they wouldn't stop the car and shit. Eh.
I'm gonna go. Now. So yeah. Peace peace.Mood;;:  anxious Tunes;;: Dashboard Confessional- As Lovers Go |
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Damn! I fucking found my old account! Holy shit. I seriously cannot believe some of the shit I wrote in here madd long ago. So, as many people know, I now live in Hellaware. AKA in the middle of fucking nowhere! I swear I'll never abandon my lj again :] I missed it so much. Okay, so my tumors are pretty much gone off my foot and I'm having such a *swell* time down here..Ah..Sarcasm. So yeah. I'm back to writing and shit. I gauged my nose to a 16, and that was a lot seeing as though it was at a 20g. My dad is an asshole. He wouldn't even help us move or anything. I really can't believe him. I miss all of my Connecticut friends so much it drives me nuts. I really miss Lala and Stevie. Stevie called me the other day and we had a huge conversation about just random shit. That's what I love about him. He's so unpredictable. Lala is in Pennsyltucky so I can't even go see her which really makes me sad seeing as how much I really love her and would never want to leave her again after I move back up north. I've forgotten about stupid shit and grown up a lot I think. I'm not as much insecure and I have a vague idea about my future. It really scares me that I'm going to be 18 in 1 year and 4 months. Sometimes I really wish I never would have to grow up because I already feel like an 8 year old stuck in a 16 year old's body. Mum and I figured out what we wanna do for our vacation and we picked Disney World. We're going to spend my 17th birthday there and I already invited Lizz because mum said I could bring a friend.
I really do miss Lizz too. Even though we were never as close as her and Lala, we we're still always sisterly to each other. She always bought me presents and her mum treats me very nicely. Lizz and I go way back to like, 3rd grade. We did get into a big fight and didn't talk for a long time until like 7th grade. We both grew up and just gave up on being angry at each other. So, I'm done for tonight.
Love you all,
xoxo
DollieMood;;:  happy Tunes;;: "Obsession" by Animotion |
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So today was pretty lame. My cunt cousin gave birth to two little shits last night. It seems like everyone around me is popping out kids. Tiff's going to get her tattoo today so that's pretty cool though. Jaden is just so adorable walking around with one of his Vans on and his little coat on..So yeah..Well im moving back to the beach in two weeks so that's pretty badass. I'm really gonna miss Lauren..Even though she hasn't been talking to me lately doesn't mean I still don't care about her. I'm gonna miss walking to laser tag and going to Starbucks and singing at gas stations..We've been best fucking friends for 4 years so this is a really touchy thing. I'm gonna miss Tiff too..We've been friends for 5 years and after all the shit we've been through she still has my back and we're tight like a fuckin noose..I'm happy I'm moving, I just hate the fact I'm leaving so much behind..Maybe one day Lauren will move in with me or something..I feel really bad because she lost Lizz, Cameron and now she's gonna lose me. I feel so much like shit because even though she still has Ashley, Nesha and Nikki, we were like sisters and even though I'm moving, she'll always be in my heart. I figured this day would come sooner or later..I just wish it didn't come so soon..Well im gonna go..I'll write more later.. |
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So yeah, today was pretty much the same as yesterday. Didn't really do anything but tommarow I'll be SIXTEEN!!! WOOSH! I can't wait. Tuesday im going with Lauren to Main Street to look for a job..Lauren wants to work at Coldstone =] I'm not sure if I mentioned that yesterday and I don't even remember if I wrote yesterday..Tonight mums making lasagna and we're gonna chow. So anyways. Jaden is playing with his booster seat and eating. I hope Tiff comes over tommarow to chill and stuff. Moms bitching at me to get offline so I should go. I'll write more later though so no worries. xoDollieMood;;:  Don't Fucking Bitch Me♥ Tunes;;: [[Madonna;;Hung Up♥]] |
| » Cause he's the gangsta of love♥ |
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I talked to Stevie today!! He can finally come over because Aunt Merrys gone..
Ah I miss my little Beaver Boy! One of the biggest jokes we have is lauren always says "Im gonna marry into the military" and Stevies in the Navy..lmao..
I know those kidds are gonna get married someday and I'm gonna laugh so hard when they do..Mum left with Mark for awhile to go to Uncle Matt's..Mark brought over a computer for me and mum so now I can update my lj while mum plays Pogo..♥..Lauren left *tear* so now I really know she wont be here for Christmas..She named her IZ Micheal St. James after Micheal Alig and James St. James aka our favorite party monsters..I'd love to meet them someday..Same with Roderick Justin Ferrell because I'd love to know the story of the actual Vampire Clan..I hope I can get a job at the new coffee shop/art gallery bistro down on main street because it seems so rad..Thats my new thing hoping for find a job..Jaden's awake now so I'll write more again later..xoDollie
Dec. 22nd, 2005 @ 05:00 pm
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| » Early Xmas♥ |
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OMG! Last night was amazing. Lauren came over with presents and got me some of the most awesome-est things! She got me a Care Bears poster, a HUGE pack of earrings♥ and gave me 5 bucks!! Soooooooooo friggin happy! She also got Jade 2 cute little books and gave my mum a candle that smells soooo good! She also got me eyeliner which THANK GOD I got because I look so dead without it! I fucking love my Lala!! Mum and I made Egg/Potato salad and BBQ Mini meatballs last night..We almost ate all the meatballs cause they were so good. We couldn't though because they're for my birthday party. I really hope Mark comes over for my birthday because he's so cool and maybe he'll bring Ari!! I haven't seen her in forever..She's Mark's youngest daughter..I can't wait to turn sixteen..We're going over Jenny's house for Christmas (she's my mum's cousin)..I hope Aunt Lo gets me something for Xmas because she gets me some cool stuff. I still need to wrap Lala's present ♥ Well I have to go for now! xoDollie
Dec. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:31 pm
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| » && She became the drug addict, not me♥ |
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Hilarious. So I sit here talkin to lauren and reading liz's myspace. "Drugs" lmffao..So after all, I wasn't the one to become the biggest drug addict in connecticut. I always knew out of my group, Liz would be the drug addict, Lauren's gonna be the pregnant one, and Tiffany's gonna be a stripper. Wow..
Lauren wont even get a job yet. She's maybe a half a mile from some stores and yet she wont even get a job..Shiiiit, the day I turn sixteen (in 4 days) I'll be out lookin for a job. I expect im not going over there today since I laughed my ass off when I found out liz was a druggie and lauren hung up..whatever fuck them both then..I'm not trying to burn my bridges but wtf, now liz is the best thing in the fuckin world..I wont be hanging out with lauren as much after tiff comes back because lauren puts so much stress on me and I cant deal anymore. ill sit here and watch movies and shit all day it doesnt fucking matter to me..I dont need haley hanging all over me and screaming in my ears or her dog sniffing me..I found out im getting this wikkid pink argyle sweater for xmas too! It looks effing awesome..I mean, this is fucking retarded lauren being such a bitch. Listening to LeTigre now..I love them ^_^ Aunt Merry thinks shes going into labor but who the hell knows..
At least when she has the baby mum can use her car unless Pam does..Boykittys been so good all day just lounging around and sleeping ♥ I gotta wait for mum to get home so I can run to the store with mark and get a soda or something..I think I might let my hair grow out again cause I need a new look..
I hope dad sends me some money for my bday because I needa get new clothes if Imma find a job..I'm thinking of maybe applying at this new coffee shop/art gallery down on main street but idk because if they do hire me idk what im gonna wear..Mums been gone since 12:39 and I've just been hanging out all day..
I really wanna watch A Clockwork Orange one more time before we gotta return it..Well im gonna go for now ^_^ ♥ xoDollie
Dec. 20th, 2005 @ 05:37 pm
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| » __Color My World ♥ |
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Started making colorbars! Finally found out how to do it so now im like woohoo!
If anyone wants one let me know ^_^ Moms going to the doc today..hopefully she'll be released so she can go back to work. FOUR more days til I turn sixteen!! I seriously can't wait! Tiff is supposedly comming over on my bday and xmas but idk because even though her moms really nice, shes really family oriented. Went to sleep extremely early last night lol..im sucha dork. Nobody ever leaves me comments on my journal =[ I found a bunch of my MAC make-up that I dont use anymore. Some of it's new but idk what to do with it.
I was thinking of either a) selling it or b) giving it away..Watching Blair Witch 2 and im about to eat but anyways..I'll write more later!
xoDollie
Dec. 20th, 2005 @ 11:50 am
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| » [[Time goes by ;;♥ so slowly' )) |
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Ah..so anyways..today I got so pissed at my nutritionist. Okay, so first they switched my appointments around so I had to go see Dr Jolly aka my foot doctor first then Pat the bitch..This HOTT doctor came in and trimmed my benign tumor/ warts down (ew.) then the doctor came in and scedueled an appointment for me to get them removed by laser. Okay, everything went well so far..then I reeeeally wanted a cigarette so I sat and asked my mom for about 10 minutes before Pat showed up. She's always fucking late >.< Okay..then we went to her office and she looked at my food list and bitched for about 15 minutes before she went into her "choices" speech. Ugh. I got so pissed because she wasn't understanding that after 1 poptart I wasn't full. No, not a pack of poptarts that consists of 2, but 1 fucking poptart. Ugh. So I walked out and went to have a cigarette at the car aka mark's truck..Maybe I should go back to Diane aka my former therepist. So right now im waiting for my mom to go to sunoco so I can get a soda. GAWD. Okay, well im done ranting ^_^ xoDollie
Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 04:02 pm
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| » Just [] A [] Lyrical [] Moment |
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The Spin Doctors - Little Miss Can't Be Wrong
Been a whole lot easier since the bitch left town
Been a whole lot happier without that face around
Nobody upstairs gonna stomp and shout
Nobody out the back door gonna throw my laundry out
She hold the shotgun while you dote-se-doe
She want one man made of Hercules and Cyrano
Been a whole lot easier since the bitch is gone
Little miss, Little miss, Little miss can't be wrong
Little miss, Little miss, Little miss can't be wrong
Ain't nobody gonna bow no more when you sound your gong
Little miss, Little miss, Little miss can't be wrong
Whatcha go 'n' do to get into another one of these here rock 'n'roll songs?
Other people's thoughts they ain't your hand-me-downs
Would it be so bad to simply turn around?
You cook so well, all nice and French
You do your brain surgery too mama, with a monkey wrench
Little miss, Little miss, Little miss can't be wrong
AIn't nobody gonna bow no more when you sound your gong
Little miss, Little miss, Little miss can't be wrong
What'd ya go 'n' do to get into another one of these here rock'n' roll songs?
I hope them cigarettes gonna make you cough
Hope you hear this song and it pisses y ou off
I take that back I hope you're doing fine
And if I had a dollar I might give you ninety-nine.
Little miss, Little miss, Little miss can't be wrong
AIn't nobody gonna bow no more when you sound your gong
Little miss, Little miss, Little miss can't be wrong
What'd ya go 'n' do to get into another one of these here rock'n' roll songs?
Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 08:09 am
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| » ♥ x a billion |
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Yesterday was amazing! I saw Tiffykins after 5 months!! I missed her sooooooooooooooooo (continues on for an hour or so) much.. She brought over a homemade gingerbread house, some candy, and she gave my mom $10.. Shes always been sweet like that ♥ I gave her a xmas present (Old Navy bag), she was so happy. Lauren had to leave to go shopping with her family and she left about 10 minutes before Tiff showed up. I took a bunch of pictures, I just gotta get em developed now. When she comes home for good im throwing her a party.. FIVE more days til my sixteenth birthday and I can't wait. I can't believe Lauren went behind my back and called my dad's cellphone to talk to grimey matt. He's so disgusting. I was listening to their conversation and he wanted to know if he could watch porn while they fuck..So nasty. I hate Lauren having to do with anything that has my dad concerned in it..Whatever..I don't need Matt knowing all my buisness and then telling my dad. I hated this situation to begin with. I'm glad laurens going to florida for feb vacation because then me and tiff will have some time to hang out just by ourselves and we can laugh and shit without lauren being there making fun of tiff calling her tim tim and always giving her stupid ass opinion. We all can never hang out because me and tiff are like lauren and liz, everything sucks when theres more than 2 people together. Tiff is comming over on my birthday and xmas too so at least ill have her. The bitch is here also. I hate her with a passion. I want the money she owes me and I hope her crackhead self doesn't go about stealing shit while my mom and I are out at appointments and such. Right now what I should do is take a picture of my room and look at it when I come home to make sure she didnt go through it and stuff..I'm watching Rockos Modern Life right now and I really wish it came back on regular Nick or something..I hate all the new shows because theyre so stupid, at least some of the vintage shows actually made sence and were fun to watch. Anyone remember AHH! Real Monsters? I remember that show too. I'm tired of people lieing to me all the time like I'm not gonna find out. Everything is connected somehow so don't be so stupid..Well I gotta go get ready to go to Joslin to get my foot looked at. My tumors have gotten better but haven't gone away yet so I'll probably be getting them removed today. For breakfast I had a strawberry poptart. Those are madddd good haha..Alright, well I gotta go get my cons on..ta ta for now
♥ DOLLiE.
Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 07:37 am
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| » P.S ;; i like your face. ♥ |
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Today was alright. Went to Sams Club and the mall with lala,haley and wyatt. lala gave me ten bucks for watching haley this morning and i gave it to my mum for whatever..back home now and watching a movie ♥ lala bought a wikkid cig holder, blood red eyeshadow (which I will have pix of soon) and this stress book..this odd guy pulled me out of a crowd to get a "free" stress test done..it pretty much broke the meter when I thought of my mom and dad..I didnt buy anything because I know my mom needed the money..getting things ready to pawn/sell for tommarow because we need the money badly..after the mall, wyatt stopped in target to look for something..lauren and i got into an arguement and I walked in and called my mom..she told me just to come home and whatever, so then lala texted me sorry from her phone so were friends again..I need to go wash my face because its red now from the eyeshadow. <3Dollie
Dec. 17th, 2005 @ 07:41 pm
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| » A New Day Sheds Tommarow♥♥ |
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Why and how can I keep getting things so wrong? I mean I can't stand the thought I was so wrong about Lauren. I'm not her "best" and prolly never will be because elizabeth and her just get along *oh so well* b/c they never fight and have sooooo much more in common then I ever will..Thats so fucking fucked up. Haley woke meup at 7 in the morning AND its saturday..I mean, I got some pretty good sleep last night..I'd really love to hang out with samantha but she like, just doesnt give a shit..I really wish I could rewind my life back to Dellie because I had it made pretty much..I always hung out with Brett and his friends in the shack and even his friends would flirt with me and shit and blah blah blah..I mean, I was happy there..I had kellie, who I gotta say, I was so in love with. Not only was she my best friend but we were gonna runaway together and other shit and I dont know..Then I had Maggie and she was cool. She thought I was cool too and she looked after me. Then I had Amanda Manda Mandoline..I effing loved that girl..She was the most craziest fun girl I had ever met and the first time I really got into heavy drugs..I also had Ron,Micheal,Bucky,Steve,Dave,Brett,Emmy,Josh,and many more friends..I remember I used to have a huge crush on this guy Roman who we all used to hang with. He was really...nice. I need a "best" now..Yesterday I was thinking about my dad and maybe, just maybe, it would be better without him..I hate the fact laurens going to florida over feb vacation to see elizabeth and matt. I dont understand it, she'll see my father more than I do..I had a bowl of chocolate lucky charms for breakfast. they were good. going to the mall later on with lauren's family. They have the biggest and most beautiful xmas tree I have ever seen in my life. It's effing gorgeous. What I really need to do is make an appointment with Diane aka my old therepist and sort out my feelings towards everything. I mean, I fucking hate this shit. I thought I was laurens best. well hmm, Im the one staying over and sitting here on her laptop, not in florida pretending to be a jugga..FUCKING PATHETIC. She doesnt even know what the fuck shes talking about. I mean, ugh. last night I got knocked the fuck out and then lauren woke me up to show me a picture of sam making another chick..whoa..okay..so..anyways.. I seriously need a cigarette, maybe I'll walk around a bit while lauren's at detention..hmm..okay well I'm gonna go because idk..alright I'll talk more later..<3 Dollie
Dec. 17th, 2005 @ 08:55 am
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| » && I Don't Wanna Live This Life Anymore |
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I gotta take back everything I said before..I'm not okay..I feel like shit and I hate myself..I should seriously consider the plans with the institution or rehab..Deep down inside I know I really wanna just kill myself and get it over with but I can't because I know how it will effect people..Personally I wish I could rewind my life back to where I wasnt even born yet and just die..things would be better if i was really never born because then people wouldnt go through all this shit for me and then I could just be like, watching to see that things truly would be better without me..I'm not saying im gonna go hang myself or whatever, I just don't care if I live or die anymore..I decided to no longer take my pills and possibly maybe just take my zoloft, but I dont see why to bother because it just doesnt work for me..i really wish my dad never came back because I was doing fine..i was out of therepy and had built my wall towards him..In a way I'm glad he came back but why does he bother? hes not helping my mom and he barely comes around anyways..his job will always be more important then me and whoever else..the ground is more important than me in his opinion..found out laurens going to florida to see elizabeth over february vacation so maybe I should croak before then, its hard enough being lonely while she comes over every weekend, how am I gonna deal for a week????? please let me fucking know because I just need one tiny fucking excuse to keep on living besides my baby brother but even know that idea is fading out..things would deffinatly be better without me because im complete liability..so yeah..ill update more later..
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 09:34 pm
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| » Laptop Lover♥ |
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Guess what everyone?! I'm on Lauren's laptop as we speak. Sooo cool. I get to spend the night tooo! Listening to music and just chillaxin is what its all about. Even though today was terrible I got to go shopping at Old Navy..Spent my gift cards and got some pretty cool shtuff..Got a wikkid pair of green pants with a pink belt, cool blue pants, a velvet brown skirt with pink lacing and a rainbow bag..I wanted to buy the whole store though..Like I wouldve loved to buy this pink/green argyle knee socks and this really cool retro looking shirt..Mom is completely broke so my bday isnt comming soon enough..I really need to find a job before everything gets more messed up then it already is..Lala's holding her phone so it'll charge..lmao..Hailey's being her cool little self as always..I wish I was that young again, I think I wouldve played it out differently..My mom still thinks im effing nuts for going out at three in the morning to throw a box off the effing bridge a town away aka 5 miles..my dad keeps telling my mom about xmas for me even though he cant be around..i wonder how much he'll give me..Today was so terrible..It's getting better though..Hope my mom makes it home safetly because the roads are really icey..Well im gonna bounce..<3 Dollieface
(ps..I like your face)
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 07:01 pm
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| » Celebrating Alone.. |
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Ah..Why celebrate birthdays if your celebrating alone?..Last night lauren called me and said she's not comming over on my birthday or christmas because shes going to warren pennsylvania..this is my sixteenth birthday..im so upset because last year, my friend tiffany actually slept over the night before my birthday and she woke me up by screaming in my ear lol..I miss tiffany..so this is rediculous..she also hung up on me because I was talking about spada and somethin else..this shit is fuckn rediculous, why bother celebrating if none of your friends give a fuck..thats so fucked up because I made sure I called her at 12:0 fucking 1 on her birthday to fucking sing to her..so anyways..vinnie came over yesterday and chilled..he made me laugh but also took the gin I was gonna drink on my birthday..I'm also sad because dad couldn't make it here for my birthday which I hoped so bad..He wants my aunt crackwhore to call him because she owes him money and he said to either give me $200 or give me the car..I miss my dad sooo much..Well, I'm gonna go..
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 06:11 am
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| » ♥ |
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'Ello again!
Today was horrible almost..From 3am last night til about 20 minutes ago I had NO internet! *gasp*..I really thought I was gonna die of boredom! I've been to hell and back because of Comcast..Ah..Found lots of stuff last night whilst exploring the house..I found 3 cute blue Hello Kitty plastic cd holders..SO EFFING ADORABLE! One of them is a little scratched up but not too bad :] I'm thinking of when I find a job the first paycheck is gonna go to getting vert snake bites..so hawt..Going to Walmart later to get stuff to crochet..Speaking of d.i.y, I'm really looking for someone to make me a scarf and maybe swap? That'd be wikkid. Well I'm off!
Dec. 14th, 2005 @ 12:33 pm
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| » Chinese,Japenese, and Dirty Knees |
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Heyyy..so anyways, slept til about 11:30 at night..Not too bad, usually I sleep til 1 or so..Painted today..It didn't come out as well as I thought it was but that's whats so great about art..I have a $10 GC for Old Navy that I'm looking to trade for a scarf or whatever..Mum said Lauren called a bunch of times today but I didn't bother calling back..It was too late anyways..I'm so tired of sleeping til midnight..It pisses me off..On top of that, I can't go see Dr. Langenour because we don't have a car..That appointment means sooo friggin much to me too since I really need my meds changed..The Zoloft isn't working anymore and the sleep meds he gave me are sucking ass..I hate my crackwhore aunt for doing this..I've been listening to Spill Canvas a lot lately and just hearing it is it's own sad story..Expecially "The Tide"..Also, I've been listening to "Don't Bother" by Shakira..I've gotta say, that is deffinatly my song to Justin..I haven't thought much about him lately, I have much much more to worry about than if he's thinking of me or missing me..I know I should seriously just forget about him but it feels like he's everywhere and it sucks more than anyone will ever know..Mark was talking to me the other night on the phone and was talking outta his ass..He was like "Yeeaa I love you babe, blah blah blah, your mom doesn't love you as much I do, blah blah"..After I got done talking to him I felt like his drunkness had rubbed off on me..I also realized watching the movie Spun makes me feel fucked up..Whoa..Like just watching it makes you feel like your the one doing speed..This year for Christmas what I'd really love to see under the tree is the Devil's Rejects soundtrack..I love all the songs on it, being that was all I heard when I was little and traveling with my dad and mom in his huge tractor trailer..Expecially "Midnight Rider" by The Allman Brothers..God, that song brings back soooo many memories..I can't understand the concept of Freebird by Lynard Skynard yet, but I'm sure I will soon..I don't know whether it's a happy song or a sad song because he's so free and you can't change him, yet the music is so sad and depressing expecially the beginning..I haven't heard from my father in about a week but I can't complain..I gotta say, it's waaay better than not hearing from him in 9 years..I'm tired of people using him against me like "Oh, he abandoned you, blah blah"..He's back now and I really need to understand it was partly my fault by not telling him Johnna told me he was no longer my father and never to call again..It pisses me off she would say that to a ten year old on her birthday but what the hell am I gonna do about it now? All I can do is forget about it because it was in the past..For what it's worth I'd love to tell him to fuck off because of her but I'm not trying to start anything whacked out like that yet. The holidays are already too hectic and I'm sure he's confused as hell for what to get me..This is like trying to be friends with a stranger and personally I'm a little confused what to get him as well..I know he can't expect much from me since I can't get a job yet until after my 16th birthday which I'm so glad to say is in a few days..I'm waay determined to find a job and hopefully it'll work out..
Well kiddos, I'm gonna go :) Thanks for reading!
Dec. 13th, 2005 @ 06:51 am
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| » I'm back in action, bitchessss! |
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OMFG. So much shit has happend since last time I wrote..
My aunt the crackwhore and I don't talk anymore being as though my mum's car broke down..again..and she was being a cunt and wouldn't let us use hers..Then she started shit with me and lauren..lala and I 3wayed her and she didn't know la la was on the phone and she said she would give her a ride over here when she got home..well, when she got home she denied everything she said and was being a bitch..also, if I see Pam im gonna pop her in her drunk ass fucking face because she was too being a bitch..haven't talked to jamie in about 2 months..now, you see I usually don't do things half assed but he was so wierd I just decided to tell my cousin stevie who goes to school with him that jamie is dropped because I've turned into a lesbian (not)..Started using my acrylics and oil pastels and now I have random works of "art" all over the damn place..Stopped smoking Djarums after awhile since I've gone back to Senecas..Also, my sleep pattern is so fucked up..I sleep all day and stay up all night..eh..omfg. lauren and I walked 5 miles the other night also..she took everything that reminded her of cameron, put it in a little box and we threw it in the river that just happens to be the next town over..some big black guy pulled his car on the sidewalk in front of us and asked if we needed a ride..im not racist but around here you just don't get in cars with guys who just popped outta drug street aka ferry street at 3 in the morning..we left my house at 2, got to the bridge at about 3, walked to dunkin donuts to find out they were closed, took a 2 minute break and walked back around 3:30..we got home at 5:30 and I was so cold my toes were purple..It was about 10 below..I had learned my lesson, believe me..I literally fell to the floor when we got in the house..On top of that, I had the most unbelievably uncomfortable shoes on..I was sooo fucking scared on the bridge because it was so far down and it was windy and the bridge was icy..So, that night was so terrible..
Dec. 12th, 2005 @ 06:36 am
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